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I don’t sugar anymore, decided it was emotionally unhealthy for me — but if I did, this is how I would go about my first POT date. (Assuming we met on website for Sugar arrangements).
I’d make sure we’re at a nice place, not so nice that he feels anxious or underdressed, but sophisticated. I’m wearing something sexy, sophisticated, but still ordinary enough. I don’t bring up anything pertaining to sugar, act as if it’s a normal date but with the hottest person I’ve ever seen. Really flirty voice, very coy, the most alluring I can be. (Channel your favorite TV hottie be it Ruby Rose or Jessica Rabbit. There’s probably no chance of chemistry between you and this soggy donut of a person you’re with, so just act, have all the perfect moves and words on your part and pay no mind to how he waddles trough the date.) Any questions about “terms” I’d fight off with a playful “That can be addressed later, now let’s just have a good time getting to know each other!”
Then, about two thirds through the date, I’d leave to the powder room, sliding a postcard-sized piece of paper across the table. It reads something like this:
To ensure the experience of authentic courtship, the contents of this slip are never to be discussed.
The possibility of a real, yet effortless relationship with a beautiful young woman is at your fingertips. It will not be marred by the discussion of a transaction - instead all the dreams you could possibly have (including those you are not aware of) will be brought to life in a completely organic matter. This is a woman with a sense of humor and adventure, who is confident and educated while respectful and understanding.
If you would like to experience your first month of this amorous adventure, all that will be required is a payment of $ X,000. (details on the reverse). Once the transaction is complete, you will receive a phone call from yours truly, lamenting on how much your company is missed. You can schedule your next date at that time.
If this offer does not interest you, no further action is required. No alternate offers will be made.
Upon my return from the Ladies room, our date will continue as normal.
And on the back there would be details on payment (PayPal, cash, deposit, whatever I feel comfortable with at the moment), a short list of actions that will terminate / void the agreement, such as emotional / physical abuse, bringing up the terms, etc., and an explanation that the payment for the possibility of the relationship does not exclude the possibility of gifts. Perhaps a disclaimer on the limit of days spent together per month.
When I’d come back, I would simply go back to acting like I’d just met Prince Charming. Then I’d go home and pay no mind to the person until I get my deposit. The end.
When responding to profiles I always think What would he want me to say? Then I write that.
What I got from his profile:
He sails
He’s been to Greece
Likes sports
Enjoys plays
Romantic
Strictly SD/SB relationship
Here’s what I would say:
Hmm a romantic captain… I can’t help but wonder if you’re as passionate as Antonio Corelli. My uncle once took me sailing in the Florida Keys and I loved it! From the moment I smelled the salty sea mist and felt the boat rocking beneath me , I knew it was something I could do over and over again.. But Greece! That’s amazing! Greece’s beauty and rich history makes it one of my dream destinations. I would be intrigued to hear all about your experience there. I’m sure it was absolutely intoxicating.
I’m not going to tell lies about how I frequent the theater because I don’t. In fact, Phantom of the Opera may be the only play I’ve seen. But that doesn’t mean I’m not open to the idea. Maybe you could introduce me to the arts. New things always excite me.
Serious commitment isn’t on my agenda instead, I’m looking for a mutually beneficial friendship built on chemistry and trust. Life is too short to stress. I’d rather have a picnic and play volleyball on the beach. Care to join me?
-Danica
How to craft a personalized sugar message OR critical reading for success
Pro-tip: If a potential SD asks “what you’re willing to do,” as in sexually, instead of flying off the goddamn handle like some of you do, just say something like “What I will or won’t do depends on my comfort level with the person I’m with. There are things I like that I haven’t done with certain partners and things I’ve never tried that I enjoyed with certain partners and not others. Trust and respect are what shape what I’m willing to do, so I can’t give you a definite answer on that. I am very open minded if I truly enjoy the person I’m with.” It lets them know you won’t be easy (but that they have a chance), and gets you out of talking sexually. Answer any subsequent questions at your own discretion.
Anonymous: I know this is a LOT to ask, and understand if you don't want to, but i was wondering if you could give some examples of ways you ask for gifts, and especially of ways you convert from gifts to allowances, the main area i struggle with when dealing with men I meet freestling. Thank you so much for all of the advice you have provided on this blog also xxx
But I’m pretty straightforward. Like, I establish from the beginning that nothing comes easy or free with me. We go on a date, I need a new outfit. And I will tell a guy this in all seriousness:
Him: So Can I take you out on Monday?
Me: Yes, but I need you to buy me a new outfit for me, I have nothing to wear
Him: I’m sure you will find something in your closet.
Me: No this is really serious, I have nothing to wear. Besides are you seriously about to pass up the chance to potentially see my fabulous body naked while changing. You seriously don’t want to help me fasten a button or two or undo a zipper? What kind of man are you? OMG, Please don’t be gay…
Him: ………*shocked*
Me: Look, All I have are my work clothes and I refuse to wear them on a date. I like you, but I can just as easliy not go and get my work done. I have to seriously set aside things in order to go on a date with you. This is going to cause me undue stress later on that your probably never going to know about. You’ll think, oh wow I had a great time and I’ll be like FUCK I have a deadline….The least you can do is give me something to remember fondly, besides this is a way for us to hang out more. If your serious, I can spare an hour for shopping and like 2-3 for the date.
Him: Are you serious?
Me: Um yes. If your not interested, then I guess this is the end………I don’t want to waste anyones time….
Him: Wait a minute, let me see what I can do, when are you free?
Depending on the situation I just alternate the convo. Then I just keep asking everytime they want to go out. It helps to add a small dose of humor to it.
Him: Hey, are you free Thursday? I thought we could go to this cool club.
Me: Uhhh, I do not have club clothes….
Him: Let me guess, you want to buy some?
Me: I’m glad we had this conversation………
Eventually it gets to a point where they know what to assume from me and they either take it or leave it. But the main point is that they understand that my time can never be wasted and that everything they buy me is an investment. You plant in their minds that you will think fondly about them when you look at the shoes, the dress, jewelry, anything they buy. But don’t act entitled. You need a medium, make them know you appreciate the gifts they give you but without them you both would not be where you both are in the relationship. YOU ALWAYS HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO…
I give it a month of this before preparing to pop the “allowance question”, now keep in mind this is usually a month of twice or three time weekly meetings (breakfast, lunch and dinner), 30-60 minute weekly phone calls, daily or every other day texts (often times less and it’s only direct questions like “ Hey do you know about X. I just saw it and thought of you?” Maybe 20 messages max and thats it. I don’t have the time to sit and text.). So after all that I have a ‘minor crisis’ my fave is pretending my phone has been suspended (you need an app like YouMail or something to do it) and the bill needs to be paid, and the reason why is because I have a tiny ass plan and that I’ve been really talking with him and using up everything. They will be flattered and pay it for you and thats when you bring up the allowance.
Me: Like I feel so silly about this…..
Him: It’s okay, I’m just sorry you didn’t say anything earlier, I didn’t know I was using up your phone like that.
Me: Yeah, Im not a phone person too much so I have the minimum needed.
Him: Well its done now…
Me: listen, we are really spending alot of time together now and I just feel that its starting to take away from my work. Like I’m starting to loose money and I have so many bills to pay. Is there honestly anyway you could help me pay some of them each month?
Him: What like an allowance?
Me: If you want to be high school about it then yes. I mean its only fair, you make way more than me and it costs you nothing to see me but I have to struggle each time. I like you but something has to give. Plus, its an investment in our relationship, we like each other, we have to make it easier for us to grow. The easiest way is if you can support me a bit.
Him: How much are we talking?
Me: Well, it cost me 10K a month to maintain my lifestyle……..
and from there negotiations begin…..if we go below then I make it known I can not see him as much or talk to him. If we go higher then, shit stays the same, LOL. It’s up to you at that point.
But before all this can happen, you need to establish that your time is GOLD. You need to seem like the type of women who can get any man she wants, when she wants. Your just with him because he makes your life easier. If he wasn’t helping you, you don’t care if he can get a million other girls, the fact is HE CAN NOT HAVE YOU AND YOU ARE SPECIAL. People love what they can’t have.
Be a unicorn dudette, be so magical he can’t imagine life without you. This is why I stress that you need to build yourself and know your worth.
I seriously am thinking that 90% of problems SB’s face are because they do not know themselves. Like honestly, when you have a tight ship, people see that and gravitate to you, Everyone is broken somehow and missing pieces of them selves, but when you walk around with a shopping cart in front of you picking up your pieces calmly, you will be respected and people will help you find your own parts over finding theirs.
All that I said is how I go about things. Everyone has a different situation and I honestly can’t help with that. But at least let this be a guide to creating your own template.
Nothing anyone says will help you unless you put it into your own context.
Below are some staples that I believe every lady, especially one who is sugaring, should have in their closet. (or have their SD purchase these items ) Any designer or high quality brand can be substituted for those I list below; these are just my personal favorites.
Can take you from casual Friday, to happy hour at Ulysses in minutes.
Black blazer (I love BCBG)
White blouse
Dark blue skinny jeans
Classic black leather handbag (your designer of choice)
Black pumps (these are by Jimmy Choo)
I’ve never been one to go with the crowd… A little white dress is elegant, yet extremely sexy.
Little white dress
Nude pumps (Louboutin)
Nude clutch (Chanel)
Elegant wrist watch
Tear drop dangle earrings
Definitely stock up on some high quality rain/snow gear… so you can look cute & stay warm/dry no matter what the weather is like.
Fitted Peacoat
Leather Boots (Ralph Lauren)
Cashmere sweater (Burberry)
Durable umbrella that stands out
Cashmere scarf (Tory Burch)
Every lady needs that one red dress that will captivate the entire room.
Knock out Red Dress (by Valentino)
Diamonds!
Because sometimes a Bombshell 2 cup pushup swimsuit in leopard just won’t cut it at Gurney’s Montauk.
Right now I have around fifty asks concerning how to ask a POT for a gift for the first date. I will write about this in one post kinda quickly.
We all see the SB’s who get cash or gift for the first date. But the question is, how? In all honesty I didn’t start getting gifts until I asked. I asked a couple of sugar babies (bookssb, thevirginsb) and they gave me some good advice. When it comes to asking for a gift, a donation or compensation, they key is to word it correctly.
If you just say “Hey, bring cash for our date”, your POT is more than likely going to laugh at you. However if you said something like, “If it isn’t too brazen of me, I would like to ask for a small gift for our first date. This way I know that we are on the same page and that you are serious about becoming a sugar daddy”. Usually you will get a better response.
There are many ways to phrase this, perhaps the more successful ladies and provide some better ways. If your POT says something snarky such as “Well are you going to provide sex, haha” then he isn’t your SD. Your time is of value, just like their time is of value — don’t let someone make you feel otherwise.
Now they might ask something like “What type of gift?”, I live in New York City so I always say a Starbucks gift card is great, Macy’s gift cards, Metro Cards are great, even a small amount of cash for travel and time compensation. I word it something like this but not exact — “I would love any small gift, it can be something like perfume, flowers, even cash for travel and time compensation. It can be whatever you feel is appropriate”
If anyone has anymore advice on the topic, please reblog and add to it! I would love to know how to get over $100 for a date.
Date: 200+ $, open space, all expenses paid (meal, shopping, transportation, ect.)
Video Date: 20$x5m, 30$x10m, 40$x15m, 50$x20m, 60$x25m.
Pay-Per-Meet: 600 $, any space, any activity, all expenses paid, no allowance need be provided – just an exact number determined for each planned periodic date no less than 600.
Fly Out Visit: 1000 $, must be met before, no more than 5 day visit, all expenses paid (first class plane ride, pre-paid meals, hotel, any and all services.)
Pay-Per-Event: 700 $, any event, all expenses paid, come as guest/date/arm-candy.
Weekly Allowance: 1000 $, dependent on scheduling, twice a week meets, all expenses paid.
Monthly Allowance: 4000$+, arrangement discussed before becoming a reality.
This is literally just an outline I follow, not a recommended but these are the arrangements I have encountered and been able to get. Sit down in your SB books and decide to make exact numbers about what it will take to make you get dressed up and out the door for this man. I think this helps not lower your worth when you have a ballpark!
